I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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