I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
