I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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