you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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