Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
