just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
