I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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