i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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