I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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