Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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