I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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