You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
