who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
