it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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