Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
