If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
