When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
