he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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