it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
false alarm. still invincible.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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