theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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