why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
