What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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