i would punch a child for taco bell
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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