I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Less talking, more tequila
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
