I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am one with the molecules
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
