I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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