it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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