i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
