i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
