The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
