I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize