Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
