that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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