Apparently you make a good broom.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
