Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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