I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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