I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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