I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
