Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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