you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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