I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
