She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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