I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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