dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
