then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
