I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
