ya dads aren't the best wingmen
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
