yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
