He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
