I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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