he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
