I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
