well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
