I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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