You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
