peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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