What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
