Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
