is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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