Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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