you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
