Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize