Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
