Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
