True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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