so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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