After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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