So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
