he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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