This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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