I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
