Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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