we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
