Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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