Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
