apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
