My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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