There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
