You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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