my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I believe in your delicious
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
