I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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