i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
