if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
