A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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