You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
