Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
