yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
