It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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