Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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