Will you blow on my dice?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
