She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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