He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize