New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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