Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
