Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
