I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
