yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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