I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
