my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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