Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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