I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
